


Somewhere to Breathe

by hopelesslyromanticshippertrash



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Shameless Smut, comfort turns to smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18055412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelesslyromanticshippertrash/pseuds/hopelesslyromanticshippertrash
Summary: I'm not sure where this is going yet, but I wanted to play around with Spock and Pike's relationship in the Discovery universe, and the idea that Pike could become something of a confidante and possibly more to Spock.This is set just after Spock arrives on Discovery in 2x08. He decides to go to Pike's quarters, seeking comfort of an adult nature...





	1. 1

At first, Chris Pike thinks he's dreaming. The muted chirp of his door alert seems foggy and distant at first. He stirs into consciousness just enough to catch the last one, and blearily pulls himself upright to the quiet darkness of his surroundings.

"Computer, lights, 30%" he murmurs as he swings himself around and stands up, rubbing his bleary eyes. "Enter."

The doors whoosh open smoothly and it takes Pike several seconds to process the figure before him. Young. Male. Vulcan.

"Spock," he says aloud as the realisation hits him.

"Captain," the young man replies smoothly. His expression seems as impassive as ever, although his naturally downcast eyebrows seem to be slightly more furrowed than usual. Something else seems different too, and as Pike shakes the last of the grogginess from his head he realises that Spock is wearing what looks to be the replicator standard nightwear - a plain grey cotton top and trousers.

"How can I help you Mr. Spock?" Pike affects his usual tone, hoping his confusion isn't too evident. 

"May I come in, sir?"

Spock's own tone is entirely proper, but Pike is somehow incredibly aware of his own informal state of dress and the late hour. Nonetheless he gestures for Spock to enter with a welcoming smile and the man steps into his quarters, his hands clasped behind his back. Pike realises he's seen Michael adopt the same pose often and the bizarre intimacy of the situation hits him all over again.

"Can I get you anything, Mr. Spock? A glass of water?"

"I am adequately hydrated, thank you captain."

"Spock, you are not a member of my crew, nor are any of my crew present. Please call me Chris."

Pike winces inwardly only half a second after he says it, especially as he sees Spock's eyebrows rise fractionally. Why is he trying to bring down the barriers of professionalism? The lack of a fixed dialogue to follow must be throwing him off. 

"Anyway." He clears his throat and pastes his professional smile back on. "What brings you to my quarters?"

There is a beat of silence in which Spock strokes his beard thoughtfully. Pike gets a moment to study him closely for the first time since he arrived on the ship and is struck once again by Spock's youth, made vulnerable by the casual sleepwear and the slightly dishevelled state of his hair. If it weren't for the ears, it would be so easy to forget he were Vulcan, although Pike knows of course, that Spock is not just Vulcan.

"Forgive me, for disturbing your sleep..."

Pike can sense the whirring in Spock's mind and his professional demeanour loosens to a friendlier smile. "That's quite alright. Would you like to sit down?"

He leads Spock over to his grey sofa and they each take a seat.

"Take your time, Spock," Pike says gently.

He watches the young man rubbing his beard absent mindedly, trying to take in his visitor's mood without too probing a gaze. Spock interlocks his fingers in his lap, gazing down at them as he almost mumbles "In a more ideal situation it would have been logical for me to visit Michael."

Pike nods slowly as the reason for Spock's visit finally unveils itself to him. He's looking for someone to talk to. Of course he is. Even a reserved character like Spock must need someone to vent on, and Pike is aware that things between Spock and his sister are not at their best right now.

"I have been struggling to attain sleep since arriving here," Spock says more loudly and clearly, jerking Pike away from his thoughts and back into the present surroundings.

"Well you've only been here for a couple of days, Spock," Pike responds with an amusement he can't keep out of his voice. "It's understandable given everything that's happened that you might have some trouble adjusting. Perhaps a visit to sickbay would help find a remedy for you."

"That is kind of you, Chris," Spock says, with something almost strangled in his tone, although Pike barely notices it, feeling a weird thrum in his body at such a casual use of his name in such an intimate setting. It's been so long since he's experienced anything like that.

"I'm sorry. I can see you're not looking for a medical solution right now."

"If I were I could have walked to the sickbay myself. I'm quite capable." 

Pike starts a bit as Spock's lips quirk briefly into an unmistakable smile, not too dissimilar to the one he witnessed just after Spock arrived on Discovery. But the sight makes him smile in response. He can feel the atmosphere mellowing between them. 

"So, what did you come here for Spock?" Pike asks, feeling as each word comes out of his mouth that he's asking a dangerous question.

"Tell me, captain," Spock begins, and the purpose in his words has Pike feeling like a fish on a hook, being reeled in slowly but surely.

"Chris."

"Chris," Spock corrects himself, locking eyes with the silver haired man.

"Have you ever had intimate relations with a man?"

Pike can't keep himself from letting out a brief, choked laugh of shock. "I – that's a very personal question."

"My apologies." Spock breaks the eye contact momentarily, then returns Pike's gaze once more. "What I am trying to establish is if you would like to have sexual relations with me."


	2. 2

Pike is certain he must have misheard. Spock must have said a strange Vulcan word that his brain misinterpreted. He is trying to think of how to phrase this out loud when Spock clears his throat.

"Sir. Perhaps it would be better if I showed you."

He holds up his fingers in the direction of Pike's face, indicating a mind meld, but waiting patiently for the other man's consent.

Pike nods. "Okay. Show me, Spock."


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if Spock has supposedly met Kirk in Discovery's timeline yet, but for sake of argument let's say he has encountered him in Starfleet Academy even if they haven't served together on Enterprise yet.

At first, everything is a non stop whirl of colours, feelings, sensations, conversation. Pike feels like he's going to throw up, within his mind. That's not a feeling though, surely?

Finally, a velvet gravel voice breaks through the chaos.

"Christopher. Focus on my voice. Follow it and I will lead you."

Without knowing how, Chris feels his own essence tether to the voice and drift after it, like he's grabbed onto a string and it's gently leading him through the noise.

A flicker of images hit him one by one, like he's watching a snap by snap slideshow. A handsome older man smiling kindly at a ten year old Spock. A teenage Spock furtively examining porn on his padd in the middle of the night, female at first, then later, male. A confused Spock receiving his first kiss from a Trill man at a bar on Starfleet Academy grounds. Spock's first interactions with Kirk - at this point Pike feels the burning desire stirring in his body as if he were Spock, the sensations of wanting to run his hand through Kirk's sandy coloured hair, kiss his neck, suck his cock flitting through his thoughts so viscerally he feels attracted to Kirk just as Spock does.

And then finally Pike is brought into the moment he first met Spock, somehow experiencing it as if from above and as though he were standing in his own shoes again, in the very spot the introduction was made. He feels Spock's feelings once again, and experiences his first impression of himself. Spock was initially impressed by him. He feels how Spock immediately sensed the depth of Pike's professionalism and dedication to Starfleet. He feels Spock's own stirrings of attraction as he watches the past him smile at Spock. The unfurlings of desire as Spock contemplates Pike's broad chest and the crinkles and wrinkles of his face that in Spock's mind only add an element of maturity and slight weather beaten reality to his handsome face.

Then Spock pulls him away again, leading him through other emotions at lightning speed. The underlying pain and resentment towards Michael, and the heartbreak at their rift. The overwhelming confusion at the Red Angel and the attempts to resolve it through logic. And cutting through it all, a continuing thread of isolation and solitude, sometimes chosen and preferred by Spock, but sometimes an unavoidable outcome met with an aching loneliness. 

Pike isn't sure if he volunteers it in return or if Spock probes for it, but he feels Spock access his own loneliness in return, allows him to see him returning to his quarters, exhausted after each shift, each battle, each close call - they nearly lost Tilly, they nearly lost Michael, they nearly lost Saru, they nearly lost so many - and longing for someone, anyone to just hold him in his arms, tell him it'll be alright. 

He feels a not unpleasant jolt as Spock reaches for his own sexual history and allows him to see. His dalliances with men have been casual, spotted throughout his Starfleet history as he occasionally hits bars during leave or extended planetary stays. Although Pike knows one cannot blush within their own mind, he feels the equivalent of it as he experiences the cool, logical Spock observing him asking the men to squeeze his neck, hard, or to tie him to a chair, or to bend him over and spank him. Nonetheless, witnessing his own face contorted with intense pleasure, and knowing Spock is watching it too makes his whole body ache intensely, and he's somehow aware that his cock must be rock hard. He wonders if Spock's is as well, then wonders if Spock can feel him wondering this.

Then, finally he witnesses his meeting with Spock following Spock's arrival on the Discovery, and Spock gathers everything he has witnessed and layers it over the meeting, emotion by emotion. The last thing he experiences before Spock breaks the meld is Spock's smile and his own question "Is that a smile I see on your face?", and Spock lifts an invisible curtain so that Pike feels his attraction to him in that moment, alongside his own and realises it wasn't a spark that he imagined or wished for, but a real, tangible chemistry.

Then the meld ends, and his eyes shoot open.


	4. 4

Pike is gasping and panting as his eyes snap open and he returns to the reality of his quarters. His brain feels like mush, his mouth is dry, and he can feel his cock standing to attention. It's completely overwhelming.

"Forgive me, Christopher. I forgot that this was your first experience of the mind meld."

He's dimly aware of Spock standing up as he focuses on getting his breathing back to normal, then a glass of water is being pressed into his hand and the Vulcan calmly sits back down as though they hadn't just shared the most emotionally intense experience of his life, including an incredibly personal sexual history exchange.

Pike takes a sip of the water, pleased to note that at least his hand isn't shaking. Must be the military training coming out.

"Spock," he finally begins once he has finished the water and his brain is starting to function somewhat normally again. "I know we've just learned a lot about each other in the past...ten seconds?" He takes a vague guess.

"Closer to five, most likely," Spock interjects.

"Closer to...wow."

In spite of everything they have already shared, and Spock's suggestion mere seconds before the meld, Pike can't hide his surprise when the other man takes the empty glass from his hand, gently places it on the low table, then puts his hand over Pike's.

"It was an educated guess of mine that perhaps you might be seeking comfort and companionship, like myself. The meld confirmed that. However, if you do not wish to proceed, I will not be offended. I will leave, and we will speak nothing of this. It will be...our secret." Spock's eyebrows raise slightly at that, as if the idea of a secret amuses him.

Pike grasps Spock's hand, unable to prevent a small smile spreading across his lips. "And if we did proceed? Would you be comfortable keeping that a secret?"

"Of course, if that is what you wish." A beat, and then. "Ah. Are you referring to Michael? If we began a sexual relationship, it would be none of her business."

"I would prefer to keep it between us," Pike begins thoughtfully. "For now, at least."

Spock nods. "Very well. Then...may I stay tonight? It can be as intimate as you are comfortable with."

Pike can feel his heart begin to pound. He grips Spock's hand a little tighter, meaningfully. "Intimate...sounds good."

Spock unleashes that small smile Pike had seen when he arrived aboard the Discovery, his eyebrows quirking upwards slightly. "You are a very handsome man, Christopher." 

From anyone else it would sound like such a line, but Pike knows Spock only ever speaks seriously, and from the heart. His heart is beating at warp speed now. 

"Thank you, Spock. You're quite handsome yourself." He clears his throat, trying to summon some of his captain confidence. "Why don't we move over to the bed?"


	5. 5

Pike's heart is pounding almost out of his chest, his thoughts running incessantly during the short walk to the bed. He's so rusty, he hasn't had any kind of sexual encounter for over a year. He remembers from the meld that Spock seems somewhat less experienced than him, but Vulcans always seem so utterly unruffled by everything, and he suspects this might be no exception for Spock. But for him it's so radically different. His encounters with men have always been casual one night stand scenarios at space station or planetary bars. He's always been nowhere near his crew or anyone who knows him. He's never had a dalliance on a ship, let alone a ship he is captain of, with the brother of an officer currently serving under him?!

As they reach the bed Pike realises he can feel himself floundering once again. Should he kiss Spock now? Or sit down? Or undress him?

"Christopher," Spock says quietly, taking his hands again. "I sense hesitation."

"Sorry," Pike smiles, feeling like a fool. "This is quite new to me."

"Then, allow me to lead," Spock states, with an eyebrow raise and a direct gaze that turns Pike's entire being to jelly.

He releases one of Pike's hands, leading him the few remaining steps to the bed with the other and they sit down.

"Computer, lights off," Spock states. 

This is really happening. Him and Spock. His heart is still beating more frenetically than a Klingon tango, but it's turning to excitement now, anticipation.

"Close your eyes," Spock states, his tone a little gentler this time.

Chris obeys without hesitation. He feels like his whole body is about to ignite with readiness for the next moment.


	6. 6

At first, kissing Spock is terrifying. Pike is reeling from all they shared in that flicker of an exchange during the mind meld, and now he's painfully aware that Spock knows everything about what he likes in bed. He doesn't realise he's tensing until Spock breaks the kiss.

"Are you comfortable, Chris?" he says quietly in the darkness, and Chris winces inwardly at how stiff and un-fun he must be to kiss right now.

"Yes, thank you, Spock," he responds immediately, cringing a little at himself at the reassuring captain tone creeping into his voice. 

He thinks he's blown it in the seconds of silence that follow, until a sudden sensation on his arm makes him flinch and he realises that Spock is gently stroking his arm, allowing his fingers to brush up and down with sweet feather-light touches. His heart melts. He would never have thought Spock could behave so tenderly.

"Thank you," he begins without thinking. "For the meld. It can't have been easy to show me everything the way you did."

"It seemed to be the most direct way," Spock responds, seeming nonplussed. 

Feeling brave, Pike slowly lifts the arm Spock had been stroking so softly, and raises his hand to cup Spock's face. Before he can think too much, he leans in to kiss him. 

The second kiss is different. He feels Spock's surprise quickly melt into a welcome response as his lips assent to the kiss. The two quickly find a rhythm which is slow and probing at first, then as the kiss opens and becomes more exploratory, everything melts and Pike reaches that point where he doesn't know where his lips end and Spock's begin. As he gradually introduces his tongue, the two begin to lave passionately together and Pike begins moaning into Spock's mouth. The Vulcan pulls him closer in response, and rolls on top of him. 

The pressure and weight of him against Pike's body only increases the fervour of his kisses. He feels like he's drowning deeper and deeper with desire only growing as he frenetically moves his mouth against Spock's grinding their bodies together until he eventually breaks the kiss, panting.

Spock's hand gradually slides up Pike's body and stops at the base of his neck, a silent question. As fuddled as his brain is with the haze of arousal, it only takes Pike a second to remember that Spock witnessed his kinks earlier. There are some benefits to a mind meld it would seem.

"Yes," he manages to gasp out, and then Spock's hand tightly grips his neck, applying just the right amount of pressure and beginning to squeeze. 

Pike begins to moan immediately, each moan increasing in volume as the sensations intensify, tightening in waves throughout his whole body until he can no longer stop himself, each cry of ecstasy seeming to reverberate from the very core of his being as Spock works every last ounce of pleasure from him with his deft, powerful touch.

Finally as Pike's cries reach their peak then begin to recede, Spock's hand slackens. As he comes back to himself, he can hear Spock's shaky breaths and realises with another twinge to his throbbing, aching cock that the Vulcan is flushed and trembling.

"Captain," he says, the word almost a plea, and all Pike manages in response is "Uh-huh," in agreement before Spock peels off his own t shirt.


	7. 7

Pike had forgotten the simple, divine pleasure of taking another man in his mouth. The musky skin smell, the sharp tang of precum at the back of his throat. He loses himself in the motion, caressing Spock's length with the reverence of a man assigned to worship something precious beyond words. 

He moans wantonly with each action, delighting each time he can make out a breathless exclamation from Spock. He removes his mouth a moment, needing to take in more air. As he strokes the Vulcan's cock with his hands he takes a moment to admire the green flush on the man's face. On Pike it would make him look sickly but on Spock's features it merely accentuates the sharpness of his cheekbones, the darkness of his hair. Pike takes it all in, revelling in what he knows must be a rare sight, that of Spock in this state. 

As he lowers his lips to the head and slowly envelopes Spock once more, the man lets out a trembling moan and grips the back of Pike's head. Pike allows him to guide him and set a pace until the rhythm reaches a peak, and finally Pike's stifled moans are lost under Spock's cries of ecstasy as he tumbles into climax and bucks erratically into Pike's mouth. 

Pike's always been a swallower, and he takes everything Spock gives him as the man releases. Afterward they lie naked together, and Pike spoons Spock without even thinking about it. After a while he wordlessly slips out of bed to relieve himself, and as he returns he begins to feel an awkwardness settling over him like an increasingly heavy blanket.

'Are you okay?' 'Was that good for you?'

These are the questions on the tip of his tongue but he can't get them to come out, they seem so insipid and silly.

Spock doesn't seem to notice, turning to lie on his back beside Pike.

"I am unpractised in these matters," he begins in his characteristic matter-of-fact Vulcan tone. "But that was most enjoyable."

Pike manages not to laugh outright, but he can't prevent a smile from creeping up his face and turning into a full blown Cheshire Cat grin. "Is that your way of saying thank you?"

"Yes, I believe so," the Vulcan concedes with a small smile.

"Well you are most welcome," Pike responds warmly. "It was good for me too."

"I believe it is customary for humans in sexual relationships to give and take pleasure equally," Spock comments.

Pike thinks he is simply making an observation, until Spock's gaze becomes uncomfortably intense.

"What are you trying to say, Spock?" he finally asks, feeling pushed a little off-kilter to be out of sync with his new lover already.

"You pleasured me orally," Spock states, and in spite of the detached bluntness of the statement, Pike feels a throb in his groin. 

Another beat, and Pike is still searching his eyes for meaning with his own.

"Perhaps you would like me to pleasure you orally now," Spock finishes.

Pike is undeniably aware that his cock is quickly becoming hard again. The tug of arousal, the ache for release feels more intense now given that he still hasn't come yet.

"I would like that," he manages.


	8. 8

Pike feels like his soul is soaring through nebulae as Spock licks and sucks him, encouraging him to fuck his mouth. In the dim recess of his mind that is still capable of thought Pike feels embarrassed to know that he isn't going to last long, but he is too overwhelmed with pleasure to care, gripping Spock's head simply to gain purchase on something. Spock encourages him to set a pace just as he had done and soon Pike is wantonly thrusting into the delicious warm wetness of his lover's mouth, arching his back and letting out cries that begin to crescendo. 

Spock senses what he needs and tightly curls his tongue around him, taking him as deep and fast and tight as he can until Pike feels that snap as he hits climax and loses control, jerking messily as he comes into Spock's mouth and Spock takes it all without hesitation.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Pike awakes, it takes him a few minutes to recall last night and realise Spock has already left, the bedsheets barely crumpled where he had lain.

"Computer, lights," he says groggily as he swings out of bed, in need of a sonic shower.

"You have one voice message, recorded at 0500 hours," the computer informs him.

Pike blinks, surprised. He hadn't thought Spock as a 'leave a note' kind of guy.

"Play message," he says as he stands up and stretches.

"Christopher," Spock's clear, deep voice rings out in the empty room. "I am going to leave now in accordance with our arrangement. Thank you for a pleasant evening." There is a pause, just enough that Pike thinks the message has ended, and then - "Perhaps I can return again this evening."

Now Spock has gone, Pike allows a dopey smile to slide across his face and it remains there throughout his sonic shower. Vulcans are notorious for downplaying everything. If an item of food is beyond delicious, a Vulcan would describe it as 'adequate' or 'satisfactory'. Therefore he believes he's not wrong in thinking that 'pleasant evening' means Spock loved every second as much as he did.


	9. 9

Pike spends all day flabbergasted by how different and yet the same everything feels. He receives reports, he reads reports. He observes sensory readings from Owo and Detmer. He even greets Michael in a normal manner, and is surprised to not feel guilt, only the odd stab of self consciousness when she looks at him. At the end of the day, he knows that he and Spock are both two fully grown, consenting adults. Neither has any intent to hurt the other or make things difficult. 

As the day wears on Pike feels nervousness begin to set in at the thought of seeing Spock again. Neither of them have discussed what this arrangement actually is yet or what it means. He wants to have dinner with Spock, ideally, but would that be too much like beginning a romantic relationship? It feels like there are so many things they haven't actually considered in all this. 

He's lost in a day dream about the feel of Spock's mouth on his when he feels a voice beside him.

"Captain?"

Pike jerks out of his reverie to see Stamets standing beside him. His brow is furrowed slightly.

"Stamets. Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"Evidently," says Stamets, not unkindly, Pike knows now that he is more familiar with the crew's quirks. "You looked to be in a world of your own."

Pike smiles a small smile. He doesn't know the half of it. 

"How can I help you?"

"Just here to give you the latest reports on the spore drive. Everything seems to be running smoothly, for once."

"Thank you," Pike takes the proffered padd, meaning to look at it, but glancing back up when he realises Stamets is still standing there expectantly.

"Was there...something else?"

Stamets looks uncomfortable. "It's Spock, sir."

Pike's heart begins beating a marimba. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Thanks to his military training, once again, he's able to pull out a convincing bluff face. Thank heavens.

"What about him?"

"He requested a quarters exchange with Hugh - I mean, Doctor Culber. Is that okay?" Stamets looks anxious and contrite. "I thought it would mean Hugh would be less likely to encounter Tyler." 

Pike wants to laugh with relief. "That's fine. I'll put it into motion."

It is several minutes later, whilst reading Stamets' report, that it hits Pike that Spock's new quarters will be significantly closer to his own. That can't be a coincidence. A goofy grin makes its way across his face and he has to clear his throat and redirect his attention to the report. There will be time to smile about that later.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I switched into past tense for this chapter, not sure why! Hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Pike umm'd and ahh'd about dinner. He normally grabbed something in the mess hall with some of the others, or by himself, reading a short story on his padd to unwind before the late shift. Tonight he decided to go back to his quarters. He didn't think it was too likely Spock would come by but it gave him some alone time to process everything. It felt so strange, eating a solitary meal and this time looking over at the empty bed and remembering the scenes that had taken place only hours earlier.

Would the handsome Vulcan be returning tonight? 

He finished his meal and freshened up before heading back to the bridge. It looked to be another quiet, uneventful shift, and he was grateful. The twilight hour shifts were peaceful, and often felt like a kind of meditative place in and of themselves, the quiet, rhythmic beeps and chirps from the various monitors harmonious and soothing to him.

But his heart began to thump insistently in his chest once his shift was over and he took the turbolift back to the deck of his quarters. He tiredly rubbed at his eyes, nodding politely at an engineer as he made his way back to his corridor, wincing at the artificial light. It seemed like an impossibly long walk tonight, but the nervous pounding in his chest finally slowed once he realised there was no Spock waiting outside. 

However, once he stepped into his quarters and picked up his padd there was a private message from Spock. It had been sent only five minutes ago, the man must have familiarised himself with Pike's work roster. Pike felt his body thrum with joy.

It was endearingly to the point.

"Christopher, may I visit your quarters tonight?"

Pike takes maybe two seconds to ponder if he's going to play hard to get or say no. He's in way over his head he thinks, with a smile nonetheless making its way onto his face as he quickly types back - "Just got in. See you soon."


	11. 11

"Christopher," Spock greets as he steps into his quarters, a mere five minutes later. His face is neutral, but there is warmth in his tone. "How was your shift?"

"Uneventful, thankfully," Pike returns, gesturing for Spock to sit down. They both take a seat on the sofa. 

Spock leans back, resting his head against the sofa seat and closing his eyes for a moment. Pike can't help but drink in his appearance with his eyes, feeling that low level thrum of contentment quietly unfurling within his body again at Spock's presence.

"So Stamets visited me today," he begins conversationally.

Spock does not open his eyes, but shifts his head ever so slightly in Pike's direction with interest. "Oh yes?"

"He told me of your arrangement. Very thoughtful of you."

Spock's eyes snap open at this and for a minute Pike thinks he is going to object to the compliment. "I saw a mutually beneficial arrangement."

Pike feels taken aback by his tone, though not in an unpleasant way. 

"It means a lot to me that you would try to help my crew," he replies quietly.

Spock's features soften. "It is the least I could do. I have heard the story from one - Sylvia Tilly, I believe her name is."

Pike grins. Of course. He can absolutely see one eager Tilly sitting down next to Spock in the mess hall, introducing herself and briefing him on the all the events that have taken place on Discovery.

"Tilly is one of our finest," he replies, unable to keep the pride out of his voice. 

"You have all shown an admirable level of commitment in light of such...unusual circumstances."

Pike nods. "It has been hard." He can feel Spock watching him more closely now. "I think the reason this crew is so close now is because of everything we have been through."

"You do not give yourself enough credit for your part in that," Spock states, and gently places his hand over Pike's. 

Pike squeezes it, feeling unmoored. How much emotion can he let out without scaring Spock? 

"Thank you," he says a little thickly. "It has been quite the journey." He raises his head from Spock's hand over his to meet his eyes, and his breath catches at the kindness in the Vulcan's eyes.

"How are things with Michael?" he asks, needing a change of subject.

Spock's expression instantly droops at the mention of her name, though he doesn't withdraw his hand. Pike squeezes it gently again.

"There is too much to say, and not enough time to say it," he laments. "We continue to butt heads like Targellian deer."

"These things take time, Spock. I know Michael is as keen to reconcile as you are."

Spock nods. "I hope so."

Pike shifts uncomfortably, suddenly remembering he is still in his uniform. "Is it alright if I change?"

"Of course," Spock replies, then his eyes flicker over Pike. "Do you require any assistance?"


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the smuttiest chapter yet. Enjoy ;)

Pike can't stop his breathing from quickening into unsteady pants as Spock stands behind him, sliding the zip of his uniform slowly down, the sound intensifying his anticipation in the quiet of the room. He can feel his cock hardening, straining against his tight trousers.

Spock gently slides the top of his uniform down over his shoulders until it reaches his waist, exposing Pike's thin white vest top underneath.

"My boots," Pike remembers.

"Sit down," the Vulcan commands straight into his ear, and Pike has to stifle a moan. Fuck.

He immediately obeys, turning to sit on the bed. The Vulcan kneels down in front of him, and with the care of a parent, gently pulls each boot off his captain's feet. His eyes flicker back up to meet Pike's gaze once he has finished, and Pike almost feels like he could come from the intensity of it.

"Stand up."

Pike manages to stand and Spock quickly and carefully pulls down the rest of his uniform and Pike manages to step out of it, putting his hand on Spock's shoulder as he does so for his whole body is trembling.

Spock then grips Pike's hips and his touch sears the very core of Pike through the thin cotton fabric. The other man leans in and presses a light, lingering kiss to Pike's stiff cock through the material, allowing his beard to rub tantalisingly against Pike's length.

"Ohhh god," Pike moans, bucking into Spock's face, already missing the agonisingly perfect friction as the Vulcan withdraws. He can't stop the breathless pants tearing themselves from his being now, and tightens his grip on Spock's shoulder, trying to remain upright.

"Spock," he says breathlessly. He can barely keep his eyes open, he's so turned on.

"Christopher," the Vulcan says calmly, seemingly entirely unruffled as he looks up at Pike who is quickly coming undone. "Do you need to sit down?"

He's enjoying this, the little fuck, Pike realises, wanting to laugh.

"I think so," he accedes, gratefully sinking onto the bed. Spock kneels up and Pike wastes no time in pulling him onto the bed too.

"I want to undress you too," he says, allowing his voice to fill with desire.

Spock nods immediately and raises his arms as Pike impatiently pulls his t shirt over his head. He runs his eyes, and his hands appreciatively over Spock's toned chest, lightly covered in hair. 

"Has anyone ever told you how fucking hot you are, Spock?"

"Not in quite such language," Spock replies, but his mouth curls into a pleased smile as he tugs Pike's vest over his head. 

He presses hot, open mouthed kisses to Pike's neck, and Pike lowers his hands to squeeze Spock's ass as he does so. It's wonderfully toned.

Spock's tongue explores the line along Pike's neck from his jugular to the point just above his collarbone, alternating tight circles with more open licks until messier and messier moans are torn from Pike.

"Fuck me, please," he begs. "Spock!"

He's so lost in pleasure that he doesn't notice Spock's hesitation until the man pulls back a little.

"Spock?" Pike opens his eyes.

"Christopher." 

Spock's voice is shaky with arousal but his features have tightened almost imperceptibly. 

"Are you okay?" Pike asks immediately, concern breaking him out of his euphoric state slightly.

Spock nods but Pike can see his mind whirring. "I would like to..." He breaks off.

It hits Pike that during his mind meld with Spock he never saw Spock fuck another man. 

"You haven't done that before, have you," he says evenly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to - "

"I would like to," Spock says firmly, cutting him off. "I might need a little instruction though."

"Of course," Pike says. 

Silently they both peel the rest of the clothing off each other. 

"I have some lubrication in my drawer," Pike tells Spock, and the man recovers it. Pike hastily unscrews the lid, setting it down on the table and withdrawing a generous scoop. 

"It might be a little cold," he warns Spock and they exchange a smile as he coats Spock's length with it.

"Okay," he says once it's done. "I'm going to turn over. As long as we go slowly there shouldn't be a problem."

He rolls onto his front, just as he hears Spock say "Please tell me if I am hurting you."

There is a beat of anticipation, then he feels the Vulcan gently parting his ass, guiding his cock into position. He feels the cold wetness of the lube touch his thigh and he gasps quietly, almost unable to bear waiting any longer.

Slowly, he feels the head of Spock's length make contact with his hole, then gently push in. He is grateful for Spock's caution, given how long it has been since he did this, that the Vulcan eases in ever so gradually. He lets out a low moan into the pillow as he feels himself stretching out, taking the cock inch by inch. 

"Ohhh Spock," he cries, trying to muffle the sound into the pillow as Spock sets a slow pace. He can feel the head of Spock's member brushing against his prostate already and it has him seeing stars.

It isn't long before Spock picks up the pace, thrusting into Pike fast and deep. Pike can feel himself clenching tighter and tighter around the man's cock, his moans accelerating in pitch and volume as he approaches the edge. He can vaguely hear Spock's own erratic pants and gasps of pleasure mere seconds before his body contracts tightly around the length and he arches up, extended cries spilling from him as he comes hard. He feels Spock follow almost immediately, shuddering into him and bucking harder as his own release follows.

He has to run to the bathroom a short while later, and smiles apologetically at Spock as he returns. He had forgotten what this all entailed.

Spock is quiet on his return, and Pike contentedly runs his fingers over his chest as they lie face to face.

"You okay?"


	13. 13

Pike has a million and one things he wants to say about how incredible that experience just was, but he can see Spock is still processing, so contents himself with just allowing himself to be with the other man in peaceful quiet. He's actually lost in his own train of thought about how long it's been since he's had that kind of sex and how much he's missed it when Spock shifts and his eyes flick back up to the other man.

"Excuse me."

Pike's mild alarm that Spock is about to pull on all his clothes and flee is assuaged when he realises Spock is simply going to the bathroom.

"You okay?" he asks with a gentle smile when Spock returns. He's sat himself up in the bed now, the sheets still covering him from the waist down.

He winces slightly on realising it's the second time he's asked, but it comes so instinctively to him. He's not sure whether his natural concern for those around him has always been there or becoming a captain has slowly drilled it into him.

He's not sure whether Spock notices his embarrassment as the Vulcan sits down on the bed.

"Christopher." 

His tone sounds serious and Pike feels his heart thump.

"Are we doing the right thing?"

Pike is visibly taken aback, but Spock is gazing down at his lap.

"Is something wrong?" Alarm sinks into Pike like teeth. "I didn't mean to push you – earlier."

"You didn't push me." 

Spock's tone is resolute, and Pike feels the immediate panic dissolve, but he's still tense.

"I have spent my life hiding parts of myself," Spock begins, and the clarity and resolve in his tone is something Pike has never heard from Spock before. 

"I don't want you to feel like you have to hide with me," Pike replies, leaning forward to touch Spock's arm. He's surprised to realise how much he means it, and something in his own tone has Spock raising his head to look at him at last.

"I know."

Pike senses there's more Spock wants to tell him, but can't yet. Nonetheless, he feels a deep burst of happiness that Spock is here with him, sharing all these different parts of himself.

"Earlier was really good, by the way. I hope it was good for you too."

"I do not know," Spock begins, and Pike's heart sinks until the Vulcan's mouth quirks ever so slightly upward. "I think I may have to repeat the process to be quite certain."


	14. 14

Pike had spent all his time worrying about letting something slip that Michael would pick up on, but it's Stamets who rumbles them first. He hovers around Pike's peripheral vision like a Taruvian mayfly during a quiet night shift until Pike cracks.

"Can I help you with something Mr. Stamets?"

Stamets looks more uncomfortable than Pike has ever seen him. "May I speak to you, in private sir?"

Pike is surprised, but stands and addresses the other officers. "I'll be in my ready room."

*

"Captain," Stamets begins and the unease on his face finally starts to unsettle Pike.

"Spit it out."

"I-"

"What is it?" Pike leans forward, feeling his concern spike. "Are you ill? Or Doctor Culber?"

"No,no." Stamets presses his lips together. "I know," he says, his voice oddly flat. "About you and Spock."

"Know?" Pike hears himself sound convincingly confused, though his heart his trying to beat its way out of his chest now. 

"I saw him return to his quarters late last night. I was actually going to recover some things Hugh had left," Stamets tone has softened now as he mentions Hugh, but Pike can barely hear his words over the blood pounding in his ears. Shit. A junior officer learning about his indiscretion?

"Whatever it is you think you know," he begins, abruptly cutting Stamets off. "You are mistaken. And if you tell anyone else-"

"I wasn't going to tell anyone," Stamets says immediately, his tone quiet.

Pike knows he's right, of course. He trusts Stamets just as much as any other member of his crew. In fact, although he's never told him, he really admires that under the gruff, occasionally snarky exterior of the man beats a real heart of gold. 

He swallows, still feeling on edge.

"I don't understand. Why are you telling me you know, if it's not..." Pike trails off. 

Stamets smiles, a little nervously, but with feeling. "Yesterday while I was working, I heard Spock humming to himself. I've never heard that before. It was actually that that helped me put the pieces together. That, and how quickly you made the room transfer." 

He takes a step forward, no doubt seeing the emotions running across Pike's face.

"I just wanted you to know, if you ever need a cover, I can provide it."

Pike frowns, touched by the offer. "Thank you. I'm sorry you're in this position now."

"Not at all," Stamets smiles. "It's nice to have a little happiness on the ship, even if it is a secret one."

Pike dismisses Stamets with a nod, not knowing what else to say, then sinks back against his desk. Well shit. Now someone knows.


End file.
